I can
by Mysteryfan66
Summary: I wish I hadn't made this all so complicated. Everyone seems to have an issue that needs attending to and I'm beginning to feel like noone else notices, but I notice. And everytime I try and help people tell me to stop. They think I can't help when clearly I can.
1. Weighing of the Problems

I can't help but laugh at them. They pretend nothing's wrong; they act friendly and welcoming and they pretend as best they can. But it's all lies. I'm not blind and I can see that and deep down they can see it too. They pretend like lies are the worst thing in the world in their family yet I know that they lie one hundred times a day more than me. They must be blind if they think I'm the only one to notice. I'm not. People notice all the time. Heck, most of the outsiders know. It's all staged and I wondered if they even noticed until I saw Molly's twisted smile. That confirmed it. She noticed too.

She's one of the observers, not troubled with her own problems. I couldn't decide whether she's luckier that way. I was struggling and I'm ten times stronger than Molly (i.e. meaner) and they're not even my family.

Hugo by far had the easiest problem though I knew it mattered no less. His was easiest to solve and I could probably help. But I'd been warned not to. So I didn't help. I didn't make his life easier and I didn't make my life easier. I was an idiot.

Rose had been the one to warn me about the struggling second-year. She told me to stay away, said she could solve it. Hugo's problems were the only problems other than her own that she noticed. Anyone could tell that by the way she glared at people every time they moaned as if they didn't deserve to. To her, her problems and her brothers problems were the only ones that existed.

I don't know how she stayed this oblivious when it was obvious that Lucy was being affected by the bad luck torturing the clan. Lucy had the biggest 'problem' as far as I could see. Her 'problem' was the hardest to fix and the most likely to be unfixable. I wasn't the only one that noticed. Her mother – Audrey – was prone to jittery movements and fretting but based on the increasing frequency I knew she was beginning to notice and that all she was doing now was refusing to accept the truth. Things looked bad for Lucy.

I was positive that Louis knew about Lucy's 'problem'. He wouldn't spare me a second glance, wouldn't spare anyone a second glance. Though he _was_ happy to pass out glares, as many as he thought people deserved. And more. No one was sure why but as I thought about it, it could be because of the 'problem'.

Lorcan wasn't convinced, he muttered something about me being 'as loony as the girls that fawn over the Cornish pixies' and then went back to his book. He was more oblivious than Rose. He didn't have to worry about his own issues so he figured none existed and didn't notice at all that his brother was being affected by something bad. Lysander, his twin brother, needed help and he couldn't even bring himself to notice. To say he was in troubled waters by my account would be an understatement. Even James, who normally live with his head up his ass noticed. But Lorcan didn't. I left him to realise it because of the warning glare I got each time I tried to help. I wish I didn't'

I tried my best to help people, offered solutions and did the best I could. But I was only honary family and I couldn't step in. To them, I was doing the exact opposite of minding my own business. I was interfering in there's. And even with a problem as simple to solve as Hugo's or Albus's my help wasn't needed according to them. I was just an outsider that didn't understand was what they all thought.

How wrong they were. I understood a damn lot better than them and I'd be Avada'd before I left it alone. I guess that's why I was a Gryffindor. I took reckless risks for other people, not even considering myself and making a mess in the process. There was one reason I wasn't afraid to do this: I knew that with a clan with that much love there had to be a solution, even _if_ it irked other people. And I was one hundred percent sure that some feathers would be ruffled in the process. But that clan were worth risking it for.

I just wish I had an Ally. I had to have at least a _chance_ at a happy ending for some people.

* * *

Ok so that was obviously just a start - or prologue - whatever you want to call it. Reviews would be great. If just one review is posted I will post the next chapter tomorrow after I get home. XD Thanks for reading!


	2. Holding back a secret

This is the second chapter whicch I suppose is really the first. Still not sure whether to continue. Please review. I may not continue.

O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0 o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0 o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0O

How did I – the girl who tries to appear as weak and spineless as possible – end up surrounded by such a dramatic and needy family? It's just common bad luck; it's almost as if _I've_ been hit by the bad luck wave too.

I'm a hell of a lot meaner and defensive than most of the clan. The only problem is that they don't know it. I wish I could stand up for myself and show my true colours but I know I can't. It's my defensive strategy and I can't cancel out five year's worth of hard work on my part. It's selfish of them to need me too.

Actually I suppose not. It's selfish of me not to do it. But, that's exactly who I am. I'm selfish and I don't have a problem with being a selfish bitch if it means I don't get hurt. I can safely say it works. The last time I got hurt was when I dumped my ex-boyfriend and that was about two months ago, the only time I got hurt since I started Hogwarts. This means, I need to keep my guard up or I'll be effected sometime near. I don't have time to help solve problems which are only going to build again.

Or at least that's what I try to tell myself. I'm actually worried that I'm not as mean and selfish as I thought. I actually helped Lucy the other day.

We were all getting off the train and we all ran off to the adult members of the clan as soon as we could. Well, all of us but Albus and Rose. The rest of us had already said goodbye to important people but they apparently hadn't.

They were talking to Scorpius - who was too scared to come with us - by the train while we waved and then bombarded the adults with hugs. There were shouts of 'I missed you' and 'mum!' or 'dad!' and then people hugged their parents. I hung back acting shy and timid (which I wasn't, I swear) and then Grandmamma Weasley squeezed everyone tightly.

Here's where I had to step in though. When Grandmamma Weasley squeezed Lucy she let out a whoop of joy before releasing her and holding her at arm's length.

'Lucy love, it's amazing to see you've got some more meat on your bones and you're a much healthier weight' Mrs. Weasley said and my breath hitched. I actually heard a gasp behind me as Roxanne heard her words. She had no doubt, spotted the signs too.

'Gosh!' Grandmamma Weasley exclaimed in joy, 'the amount of weight you've put on anyone would think you were-'

She never got to finish her sentence though as I rushed forward shouting 'Mrs. Weasley!' and stopped beside them 'I've missed you' I trilled embracing Mrs. Weasley in a squeeze from beside her.

Grandmamma Weasley was incredibly shocked. In fact, I think they all were. People stopped in mid-sentence to gape at me. I had never put myself out there like that before. To be honest I was more shocked than them. I was jeopardizing my reputation to hold back a secret for a couple of days. I was infuriated with myself. And I then had to embrace all the adults like that.

Even Percy and George.

Percy stood there, stiff as a board and George was uncomfortable and joked at me being possessed by some happy spirit. It was so awkward! And there wasn't even anything in it for me.

Grandmamma looked positively jubilant and though that made me feel slightly more less resigned I still blushed the same colour as Rose's flaming hair. Though, thinking about it Grandmamma Weasley was so happy she hardly reacted when she caught Fred and James charming the toilet to start singing. So technically they owe me. And damn if I'm finding silver linings something _has_ to be wrong with me.

Dinner was a lot lighter that night than it became to be. People were so happy to be back that they seemed to forget their problems. Even I did for a little while. That meaning, I forgot until Rose's sleeve slipped a little bit and I saw her eyes water as she scratched her wrist to hide it.

And then I was like thunder again. Well my mood was at least. Not that they noticed at all. I kept my angry rumbling in my head and smiled faintly on the outside to try and appear normal. It says something about how good at pretending I am that no one noticed. That or they were all just bad people. I'd personally rather stick with the former for two reasons: 1) It boosts my ego and makes me feel a tiny bit better and 2) I know how nice and welcoming they are first hand, they don't compare to anything bad.

URGH! Now I feel slightly irritated at myself for thinking something nice. But heck, what am I to do? It's not my fault I'm becoming soft and that just makes it even more imperative that I keep my guard up. I will not get hurt only two months after the last time. I cannot and will not let sacrifice myself so that they can all feel slightly better for a tiny amount of time.


	3. Realizations

I pretended I knew everything – or at least hoped I knew it all. The way I saw it was simple; if I knew what the problem was then I knew how to solve it. And I supposed that _would_ normally apply. _If_ the person that knew what was happening was planning on helping that is. And I think I've already mentioned that I'd rather have not.

But, after my sudden crash-landing in to reality I realised that I was only seeing half the picture. Sure, I saw that Lucy, Rose, Lysander, Hugo and most of the others had issues. But, I can safely say that I didn't notice the other people's behaviour.

At that time to me, it was either black or it was white; People were either sufferers or witnesses. But, they weren't. I realised this much when Molly – who was sat next to me – made a grab for my hand and whimpered when we witnessed Rose wince in pain. It truly horrible to see that and feel like you couldn't help. Because, even if I was selfishly refusing to help the others I could but Rose I knew wouldn't accept my help and if I tried to offer it she would just refuse me.

Molly was what I had once classed as a witness yet she still suffered. I was what I supposed was a witness and yet, as I'm sure you can tell, I still suffered. So how did only the people that had a specific problem affecting them count as sufferers? We were all sufferers really.

I squeezed Molly's hand too that night. I squeezed her hand back because she wasn't the only one that needed comfort. I needed comfort too. So we comforted each other and pretended nothing was wrong while everybody else caught up as if nothing was wrong.

I knew though. I knew each and every one of them had a single problem no matter how serious or whether it was just concern. My problem was pretty self-explanatory: I was worried about the clan and wanted to help. And I knew that Molly – who sat on my right at the large dining table – had the same problem. I was certain of Lucy – who sat on Molly's rights-'s issue and was sure to remind myself that Molly needed informing. If I needed comfort Molly was the best person to help me. Only she and Roxanne knew even half of what I knew and I knew that my best friend would be of more help than a twelve year old girl that I can only recall having three conversations with.

Molly and Lucy's mum sat on Lucy's other side and I could see her fidgeting with the table mat. Audrey was worse than I can remember her ever being and the sneaky glances she was casting toward Lucy's belly told me she knew. Her sick problem was the disgust that showed on her face as she did glance at Lucy. She couldn't handle Lucy messing up and I couldn't handle her treating Lucy that way. I was ready to stand up for Lucy right then. Molly squeezed my hand when she saw me glancing at them, _everyone was happy_ it told me, _don't mess it up_.

Looking down the table a bit further I realized why Molly always tried to be the best she could, why she constantly needed to get the best marks in school and why her and Lucy always acted their best around their parents. They were always trying to be perfect and all for their father, who was always too busy trying to make _his_ parents proud that he forgot about his _own_ children.

Percy was sat next to his wife, blatantly ignoring her as he bragged about his newest promotion in the ministry, his new shiny car and lots of other impressive things in his life to his mother. Though, with great resentment I realised that not once did he mention that his wife had gotten a promotion herself, or that Molly had finished the term with the best marks in the year or that Lucy was given a chance to graduate early or any of the other great things they've done. Never once had he mentioned the word 'pride' or 'proud' when he and his family were asked questions about anything other than himself. I felt very nauseas just watching him talk animatedly with his mother who sat on his other side looking equally enthralled.

He was messing his family up because he wanted _his_ parents' attention, which they willingly gave. I knew how Lucy had let this all happen to her. She was willing to risk it if it meant that she would get the slightest bit of attention from her father and now she was regretting it. Though, I'm one hundred percent sure she never consciously did all this, she was just desperate. He had made her desperate. That was not something a father should make his children feel.

His mother didn't seem to worry about anything. She was beaming. Grandmamma Weasley was constantly beaming as she sat there, surrounded by her family. Whether she was beaming at her husband who sat at the head of the table beside her, or at her son who was desperately telling her about his life's new updates. But, most of the time she beamed at the family surrounding her dining table. Grandmamma Weasley didn't know yet and to keep that smile on her face I wasn't going to tell her.

This clan had bigger problems than I had thought. What they so desperately needed was my help and though I didn't want to give it I had to. All because I could.

* * *

These chapters are getting longer. I will update as much as possible and when I can. Sorry if you get updates or alets a lot.


	4. In the cupboard

There was a lot more to the happy family that everyone saw, in fact they weren't happy at all. When I was younger I used to believe in 'happily ever after' and sappy stuff like that but they weren't real. Maybe four out of the family of twenty six were happy. And that was just a maybe, and it's not including the close family friends.

Everyone had problems. I couldn't solve them all. Only some of them would have a solution. And it would take a lot of work. I couldn't just wave my wand and find a way out, though if I could all of their problems would already be solved and I'd already be long gone. It was going to take a lot of effort and I couldn't do it alone. I was still going to fill Molly in but she wasn't going to be comforting me; she was going to help me find a compromise in the mess that is her family.

After Grandmamma Weasley had sent all the little ones to bed that night everyone was milling around the downstairs area doing their usual festive activities and talking to each other. Charlie, Bill, George, Harry and Ron were all sat around the little wooden table in the kitchen talking as they drank what I presume to be their weight in Firewhiskey while the mothers and wives - other than Audrey - were either preparing food for the next day or cleaning up by the sink as they chatted lightly. Percy and Audrey had already left, leaving Molly and Lucy behind to "Instil some manners upon the lacking parties" Whatever that meant. I'm pretty sure Percy worded that wrong but nobody cared enough to mention it. The men were all too drunk to care about grammar and the women were glad to see Audrey leave as her fidgeting made them nervous.

Grandmamma Weasley and Granddad Weasley left for bed just after the younger kids when Molly had been reprimanded for the sixth time when she tried to help. James, Fred, Teddy and Louis were all sat on the floor in the middle of the living room playing an intense game of exploding snap, trying not to get their eyebrows singed off for the eight time that night. While Rose and Albus sat watching Victoire arguing with Dominique about Dom supposedly stealing her make-up despite the fact that Dom viciously hated the stuff.

"Molly!" I whispered from my hiding space trying to catch her attention. Molly jumped higher than I had seen her do since James set off a firework by her ear in our third year. When her feet had finally returned to the ground she started searching for a trace of me everywhere, her eyes scanning all over the corridor.

I opened the door I was hiding behind a bit more and Molly rushed to join me. "What's up?" she asked, standing in front of me and motioning for me to close the door.

"I need to tell you something. Do you have your wand on you?"

Molly scuffled around the small cupboard and finally leaned against the wall. "Of course I do. Why do you need it?"

Following her lead, I leant against the door I had closed behind her. "It's really important and I think _Muffliato _would be useful". We were careful to keep our voices in whispers in case anyone heard us and decided to investigate.

Molly frowned at me but took her wand out of her jeans anyway. "Okay then. What's wrong though?"

"I'll tell you once you've performed the spell." I said, "And you might want to sit down too."

Molly looked extremely worried, but I suppose I would be too if I was her. "Fine" she shrugged, sitting on the cold floor and once I'd done the same she cast the spell and rested her wand on the floor.

"Will you tell me now?" she asked fiddling with the hem of her blouse nervously.

I wrung my hands and tugged on my sleeves but I knew I couldn't chicken out. I was a Gryffindor for a reason. "This is big. And I apologise in advance. I'm so sorry."

"Tell me what the fuck's going on then!" Molly shouted at me, clearly frustrated and worried. She always did have a short-temper.

I couldn't think of a subtle way of telling her. I never was very good at consoling someone. So, without missing a beat I told her. I took a deep breath and then the words tumbled out of my mouth.

"Lucy's pregnant, Rose is cutting, Hugo's failing, Louis is angry all the time, Fred's frustrated because he loves Kady, Tricia broke up with James, Lysander's becoming a drunk, Albus seems to be becoming obsessed and Lily is getting bullied."

There was no mistaking what I said. It was plain. It was blunt. And it made Molly cry.

Molly isn't a crying girl; she's like me in that sense. But she certainly cried. First her lip started wobbling, then she started hiccupping, her breathing became ragged, and lastly a big, fat tear rolled down her wobbly cheek. That was just the first of many that came.

She just sat there - tears staining her face and digging her nails in to her palm – and continued crying, not even moving to wipe the tears away. "I can't – I can't believe it- I can't believe I didn't notice" she sobbed.

I don't know how the hell to comfort someone - especially someone that cries as weird as Molly. I'm pretty sure I just sat there staring at Molly as she bawled. I think I gave her my creepy stare. The stare that I usually use when people do something horrifying, like kiss in public.

I stared at her with my eyes wide and panicked, my top lip raised, and my eyebrows almost touching my hairline until I shuffled up towards her a bit and tentatively put my arm around her shoulders. "It's not your fault" I said hoarsely. I was absolutely terrified but she needed me so I persevered.

My throat was constricting, my hands were sweating and my whole body was shaking and yet I carried on trying. "I only noticed because I'm not involved" I tried to say and yet all the sound that left my body was "I-I only notice – noticed 'cos I – I'm not involve –volved" as I too started crying.

My body shook with sobs too, my breathing was even more ragged and I made creepy little squeaky noises. We sat in the dusty storage cupboard just off the living room and bawled as we cuddled on the floor. It was incredibly embarrassing and ridiculous and yet the most relieving thing I had done in my whole life. I didn't care that I felt gross and pathetic afterwards because at the same time I knew that it was the beginning of things getting better.

As we bawled and wept the only thing I could think about was what I had once read in a book somewhere about crying. I can't remember what it said word for word but it said something along the lines of a person only being capable of crying so many tears at a time. After you had cried so much you just stopped. And though it wasn't sudden we stopped after a while too. Our chests were still heaving and our breathing ragged but the tears didn't continue to fall.

When the lump in my throat was gone and I had wiped most of the moisture off my face I spoke again. I didn't dare to look at Molly to see the miserable look on her face that I caused. "Why was I crying too?" I asked and Molly giggled in a way that made it perfectly obvious that she had been crying.

"Did you feel guilty?" she asked. Her voice sounded especially nasally.

"Yeah" I admitted.

"You should have" she said evilly.

"What?"

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

I sniffled and looked at her. I was right to avoid looking at her. Molly's normally pristine looking complexion was red and patchy and her eyes were bloodshot with red rims.

"I thought everyone was happy" I said to her earnestly. The last thing I wanted was a fight. "I didn't think you or Roxanne had noticed. I was going to try and help by myself. But when you squeezed my hand I knew. I knew you knew.

"I knew Roxanne knew something was up when she gasped at the station and I need help. I want to help your family like you all helped me.

"I want us to help find some sort of happy medium for them. I can't live with everyone being miserable. Least of all, you Molls. You're my best friend. "

Molly sniffled and looked straight in to my eyes "You think we can help?" she asked hopefully. I nodded straight away; there was no doubt in my mind that everyone could at least have a chance to be happy.

"How did you know all this?"

"Which one do you want to know about most?"

Molly took a deep breath in and wiped the tears off her face just to make sure. "I already had a feeling about Lucy. I saw the cuts on Rose's wrist last night. Hugo failing makes sense. I guess I'm most curious about Lily and James."

I screwed up my face in thought. I had thought that their problems were two of the most obvious. I looked away at the door. "I found out about Lily when I saw her in Madam Pratley's office two weeks ago. They didn't see me and I heard Madam Pratley muttering to her about how often she was in the hospital wing. The day before I had seen her tear up when she read a note from someone at breakfast. When Al asked about it she said it was nothing and when she left I read it.

"It said something about her being a slut that had no friends. It wasn't anything different to what I got when Maria Johnson decided I was too close to you guys. And I thought it was a onetime thing until I saw a Slytherin trip her up the next day.

"Things like that have been happening ever since. I once found her crying. Luckily I didn't have to do anything because Al came in and comforted her himself but I think it's getting pretty bad.

"James and Tricia though, that was a complete shock. Have you noticed how snide and upset he's been lately? That's why. I don't know whether they've definitely broke-up or if they're having an argument. They're not around each other at all, James snaps at everything and Tricia always looks miserable."

Molly stared at me plainly. "Wow" she said, shocked, "You got all that from watching things?"

I shrugged, what do you say to that? "Will you help me then?"

"Of course I will" she said, frowning. "I think we've got to get to bed now though."

"Okay, let's go." I stood up and held out my hand to her, helping her up when she took it. "Cast the counter curse and we'll go straight up."

Molly picked up her wand, waved it and then opened the door. "Ooof!" someone said as the door connected with them. Molly and I rushed straight out of the cupboard to check on whoever she had hit.

"Oh! Louis! I'm so sorry!" Molly said in panic when she saw Louis stood against the wall, holding his arm.

"S'okay" Louis muttered looking up, "I just wasn't expecting it s'all. What were you doing in there?" He frowned at us in confusion as I closed the door behind me. "Have you both been crying?" he asked in concern when I stepped in to the light.

"Yeah. We're alright though. Are you sure you are?" I asked because his hand still hadn't moved.

"I'll have to be" he said harshly.

"Fine then. We'll just go to bed. Sorry for worrying." I replied in the same manner before I stormed up towards the room we were staying in. To think, I had been concerned and yet he treated me like I had insulted him. Gosh, even Louis had something going on. What was up with him? It didn't make any sense at all.


	5. Headquarter planning

There's something peaceful and addictive about sleep. You don't have to worry about what's going on, you can just forget about your worries and dream on. Of course, sometimes you have nightmares that can tar the amazing state but most of the time it just leaves you feeling refreshed.

I'm never refreshed in the morning. I'm groggy and cranky and just dim. There's only one thing that can make me get out of my bed without a second thought in the morning: the sound of a livid Dominique Weasley.

"Molly get up!"

"NO!"

"Get-out-of-bed!"

"NO!"

"Wait a minute, Kadence are you in her bed too?"

"No"

"Kadence I just got you to get moving"

"No you didn't"

"I did. And I told you to stay out of bed"

"You told me to stay out of _my_ bed, you didn't mention Molly's"

"ARGH! BOTH OF YOU GET OUT OF BED! NOW!"

"Five more minutes"

"NOW!"

"Okay, okay... I'm getting out"

"Finally!"

And with that said I walked drowsily past Dom and towards the door while she got Molly out of her bed. As soon as I entered the hallway I walked down the stairs towards the intoxicating smell of Grandmamma Weasley cooking. I started down the second set of stairs I reached when I jumped as someone forces their door open with a BANG!

"Hello Louis" I said sleepily.

"Huh?" he hummed.

"Never mind"

When we finally got to the kitchen we joined the other half-dead teenagers – and in some cases adults – around the wooden table. Not really fancying breakfast I just rested my head on my folded arms on the table and the last thing I remember is distant mumbling as someone else joined us before I melted away in to the subconscious state called sleep.

BANG!

I woke up with a jerk and looked around wildly. What the hell was going on?

Molly, Hugo, Albus and Fred were the only people still sat at the table other than myself. "What – what happened?" I asked groggily.

Albus, Fred and Hugo stared at me weirdly but Molly just shrugged and continued to pick at her food. Albus briefly glanced at Molly but when she didn't answer he just went back to his food. "Nothing much, Lucy just ran out of the room is all" he said.

"That's weird"

"Yeah" Hugo muttered, "It was like she was going to be sick or something"

I stared at Molly who lifted her gaze to meet mine and within minutes we had stood up and walked towards the bathroom.

"Where are you going?" Fred shouted after us, "If you don't finish your food now Hugo will eat it all."

But we didn't care. We ran up the stairs and when we finally got to the right door we jogged to the bathroom. We knocked on the door as we entered and I personally did not like what I saw.

Lucy was kneeling in front of the toilet with her hair clinging to her sweaty face and gagging in to the toilet while tears added to the moisture already on her face. As if it was rehearsed Molly and I went straight to work. Molly knelt next to Lucy and held back her hair while I walked towards the sink, got a flannel and wet it.

"Here" I murmured, handing it over to Molly who gently held it to Lucy's forehead.

Lucy gagged a couple more times before she exhaled and crawled over to the wall to rest against it. Molly stopped humming the soothing tune she had been using to relax Lucy and handed me the flannel.

"Are you okay?" I asked her as I walked towards the sink again.

Molly stood up and closed the door. Lucy had just managed to nod when I turned to face her. "We know." It sounded like a conspiracy but it wasn't, we were just stating a fact and Lucy knew that. I worked this out when instead of getting defensive she just breathed in and nodded.

I turned back around to face the sink and turned the tap on, running the flannel underneath it. "How – Who?" Molly asked with difficulty. I knew she didn't want to word the question wrong and to be honest I would have preferred it if she didn't too.

Lucy cleared her throat and looked away. I sharply turned the tap off and turned to face her. "You do know who the fa - who it is right?"

Lucy looked at me and nodded "Yeah I know who, but I can't say" she said.

"Okay..." I muttered. I walked towards her and gave her back the flannel. "Do you need anything else?"

"Yeah, do you need like a potion or something?"

"Or perhaps an owl to mail _him_"

"Or just some food"

"Anything?"

"I think I'll be fine" Lucy said in a voice clearly showing that she thought we were weird.

"Okay" Molly said, opening the door again.

I shouldn't have felt happy after we left the room but I did. I was in one of my selfish moods. I was too elated at the fact that we had helped that I couldn't even bring myself to worry. Besides, it was only morning sickness, nothing to worry about.

It had felt right to help and it had certainly felt better to know that Molly was helping too. I didn't even question myself. Actually, neither of us did, it was completely natural and, because of the happy mood it brought along we didn't care much. We hadn't just sat and watched somebody help. We had done something.

As soon as Molly and I had gotten to our shared room we just stood and stared at each other for a moment and then broke in to the giggliest, most uncoordinated happy dance ever. Helping Lucy, even with something hardly significant had boosted our ego and made us notice how easy it was.

All of a sudden we were ready to go out and help other people. We were ready to be heroes just like Molly's uncles and aunts had been. Molly had found her way to make her father proud and I had found my way of repaying the Weasleys and the Potters.

It was as if we had found a den or headquarters the night before because as soon as we had changed and told the adults we were up and about we went straight back to the cupboard in the hallway. It was the only place in the packed house where we could possibly avoid being disturbed.

Molly, who was first to enter the squashed make-do headquarters looked around disgustedly when I had entered after her. "Cast Muffliato" I whispered urgently. We needed as much peace as possible and if that meant her family losing us for a couple of hours that was fine by me.

Molly rolled her eyes as she waved her wand, casting the spell silently. "Couldn't you have waited 'til I at least improved the light?" she asked exasperatedly.

"You were doing that about as successfully as your Aunt Fleur's plan to 'eemprove 'er eenglish'" I muttered distractedly, taking out my own wand.

I heard Molly snort at my snide remark but no response came as the little shower of light provided by a plate of magic-light dust (a product invented by Molly's uncle George) hanging from the ceiling became brighter and actually illuminated the whole room.

"Smart arse" I muttered waving my own wand. Molly merely glanced at me over her shoulder as she moved towards the far wall to shrink some of the cabinets stacked against the wall there.

By the time I had transfigured some of the buckets already in the room in to comfy looking beanbags (which is a lot harder than I had originally thought –metal beanbags are certainly not comfy), conjured some parchment and a quill and added a heating charm Molly had shrunk all the cupboards, cabinets, cleaning equipment and chest of drawers that were lining the room, locked the door and repaired a hole in the wall. The room was much nicer and a lot less cramped by the time we had finished.

"So..." I smirked at Molly "We have a plan, don't we?" Plans were definitely Molly's forte. In fact most of the kids in the Potter-Weasley clan had a knack for plans. They just flowed well for them and always seemed effortless. Molly probably already did have a plan. All signs pointed to yes.

"We will" Molly said determinately and I knew that she had no idea. I had no chance at ever hatching up a successful plan and if Molly didn't have one already she was never going to have one.

"Okay... why don't you write down a list of all of the members in your family and what's up with them then?" I said hatching my own mini-plan, "I'll be back soon."

I left the room before Molly had a chance to argue. It wasn't a quick task but I shushed her every time she opened her mouth. First I had to make the door something akin to one-way glass so that I could tell if anyone was outside, then I had to take off the heating spell so there wouldn't be a suspicious burst of heat, next I had to unlock the door and then – lastly – after I had left I had to put up temporary wards so that Molly wouldn't have to redo the spells and yet no one else would enter. Just leaving what I had dubbed our headquarters had been a challenge.

I reappeared ten minutes later and was quick to re-cast the spells and protect our headquarters. Molly seemed shocked.

"WHAT?" she asked as soon as she was certain I had re-cast _Muffliato_.

"WHAT?"

"_Don't_ _you dare_ mock me Kadence Smith!"

It was creepy how scary my best friend could be. She was certainly as fiery as her namesake. Grandmamma Weasley would be proud of her – let's call it spunk or passion.

"Why the heck did you bring Roxanne with you?" She looked at me like I was an idiot and tilted her head, her body language seemed to be screaming 'why did you bring someone else in to this?'

"We need a plan. Roxie already knows the worst of it and well-" I didn't know how to broach this gently. I knew it would hurt her ego however I said it, "The thing is, we don't have a plan and I think it'll be easier to pull off a plan with more people involved."

"What? I couldn't come up with a plan myself? Decided I wasn't good enough at being 'bad' did you?" She really was upset, she was even more defensive now than when she became a prefect and James and Fred burst out laughing.

"No – I – erm – it's just that... um ... you know how things get with – erm – your-" I was a muttering mess and had no idea what to say. It's a good thing that Roxanne cut me off too because, being me, I was about to accidently insult her family. That would not have been good at all.

"Listen" Roxanne said, interrupting me and then taking over my beanbag, "I can help. Your lost Molls, and thing is, I want to help too"

"Yeah" I muttered, conjuring another beanbag, effectively shrinking the room, "She wants to help"

I sank in to my beanbag and was pleased to note that it was a lot more comfy than my original. "Besides, we need a plan quickly. Things are getting awkward. I just saw James and Fred and they weren't even talking, let alone laughing and joking"

"Merlin" Molly said, "We really _do_ need to do this soon."

"Really? Soon?" Roxanne asked sceptically, "I thought we should do it on an important day, they'll listen sooner to try and shut us up and that's the only time that the Scamander's and Malfoy's will come"

"We're going all out then?"

"We can't go all out. We'll ruin Christmas" Molly gasped, her hands covering her mouth.

I looked closely at Molly and sighed, "We can't do it on Christmas day, but what do you think will ruin Christmas more, having to go to St. Mungo's or whatever our plan will be?"

"Precisely" Roxie muttered, "Its common sense Molls"

"The only days we'll all be here other than Christmas day are Christmas eve, boxing day, new years eve, and new year's day"

"We can't wait 'till new year's" I said looking from one face to the other, "Which is more convenient?"

"Andromeda always comes to dinner on Boxing Day, I don't think a woman of her age will be able to handle such a thing and to be honest if Great Aunt Muriel comes then it'll be that day and she'll rub it in our faces or something"

"So it's decided then?" Molly asked, "We're doing whatever it is we're doing on Christmas Eve?"

"Yeah" Roxanne said edging towards Molly, "Pass me some parchment will you?" she took a quill out from behind her ear and her hand whizzed along the parchment as she wrote. She was certainly good at thinking of plans.

"Can I see the list?" I asked Molly, leaning towards her too.

"Sure." She handed me the parchment and sunk back in to her beanbag a bit as my eyes scanned it.

_Lucy – Pregnant_

_Victoire –_

_Dominique – no job_

_Louis – in love_

WHAT? Louis is in love? Who with? Since when was he in love? I thought he was being distant but I didn't know that was why. I actually felt sad, _he was in love_. It just didn't make sense. I had never seen him with a girl and for some reason I didn't like the idea. He liked a girl so much he was in love with them and it hurt. Though, I hastily reminded myself, it was probably because I hadn't known. I did rather like to be the first person to know things.

Letting it go for a moment I turned back to the list.

_Fred – likes Tricia_

_Roxanne – _

_James – heartbroken_

_W_ell, I thought, that _was going at least a bit far_. I wouldn't say he was heartbroken, just sad and angry and not himself. So actually, yes, he _was_ heartbroken.

_Albus – Obsessed, not himself._

_Lily – bullied_

_Rose – self-harming_

_Hugo – failing_

_Scorpius – _

_Lorcan – _

_Lysander – drunkard_

_Teddy – _

_Victoire – _

"Louis is in love?" I asked, "how come I didn't know?"

"Umm..." Molly muttered, "we had to keep it a secret and-"

"Okay" Roxie said, dropping her quill, "We now have a plan"

I certainly hope it was a good plan. We certainly needed it to be powerful. It had to be a hell of a lot stronger than an intervention or something. It had to work against some pretty powerful problems and yet all I could think was how proud I was to admit – even if only to myself – that I was helping. Because I could.


	6. Dinner-time acting

We had a plan. It wasn't very sophisticated, subtle or even clever but that didn't matter. All that mattered was that as far as we were concerned it would work. We spent hours crammed in our make-do headquarters brainstorming as many possibilities as we could. Everybody had separate roles in the plan and different people to communicate with.

Once we had finalised the finest details and answered any questions we finally left headquarters. It was late and everyone was in the living room waiting for dinner. We could hear them as we walked out. They were quieter than I remember they used to be but still quite rowdy. Girls were giggling, boys were chuckling and several people were just having civilised conversations but the impact of all the noise jumbled in to one was shocking. It had once been absolutely silent in the confines of our cupboard but suddenly we were surrounded by noise. It was completely normal for the Weasley home and, in fact, it felt welcoming.

As soon as we had stepped foot in to the living room grandmamma Weasley rushed in wearing an apron and carrying a wooden spoon. "Dinner time!" she trilled. For some reason she looked extremely happy. I was incredibly confused. Why did she seem so chuffed?

It took twice the time it would take a normal family for everyone to take a seat at the table. (Though I do suspect the vast difference in numbers could explain it.) I was pleasantly surprised to realise once we'd all settled down that we had all arranged ourselves around the table in the same places as the previous day.

As we all ate and conversed Roxanne glanced at me and Molly every now and then. Finally, when there was a tapping noise coming from my plate I looked across at Dominique. I had received the signal. Dom was sat on the opposite side of the table to me and directly in front of Lucy who was two seats to the left of me.

"OW!" Molly squealed when I pinched her arm. Luckily, the chatter of her family drowned out the suspiciousness though the look on her face was rather conspicuous. She glanced at me sharply raised her eyebrows, pushing her lips together. "I cannot -" she began to speak but I promptly cut her off by jabbing her leg with her heel of my foot and inclining my head towards Dom.

Some sort of sensation seemed to come over her and suddenly her face was neutral, if not a bit forced. "So Dom..." she said, loud enough to grab the attention of Dom and the members of her family that were experienced with plans and knew when people were conspiring.

Dom and George – Molly's uncle and Roxanne's dad – both glanced up sharply and George eyed us both in mild confusion. He couldn't comprehend that out of all his nieces and nephews it was Molly with a plan. How could Percy's child be the one to put a plan in to place at dinner? Shouldn't that be Fred, James and Louis? Or even, at the very least, Albus and Rosie - and maybe even Hugo – should be the ones in on a plan. Certainly not Molly, the daughter of a pompous, ministry prat and a snobbish healer. How on earth could that make sense?

It made sense really that the mischievous behaviour of Molly Weasley II would attract more attention than her outburst caused by violence. With the Weasley-Potter clan violence was customary whereas Molly being naughty certainly wasn't. I just wish I could have remembered that when my heart was pounding in my chest for fear of the plan that cost us a day being ruined beforehand.

If I'm honest I'm just glad that Fred and James were too busy in their own worlds to notice. Plans are normally after all, their forte. Louis, who was sat next to me, looked up a bit but I think he was too distracted to notice the plan. He was just interested by the mention of his older sisters' name by Molly.

"I was just wondering how everything's going for you..." Molly muttered, moving her peas around on her plate. Even though I was acting natural and trying not to notice her voice sounded _too_ casual – nowhere near blasé enough.

George frowned a bit and looked down at his own plate but he was certainly keeping his eye on Molly. I would too if I were him. Even the way she was acting was 'un-Mollyish'. Since when did Percy the prat Weasleys' daughter play with her food, slouch, rest her elbow on the table, look down at her plate or even communicate with Dom while her father was in the room? Never, that's since when. But apparently Molly doesn't know the meaning of 'natural', 'blasé', 'inconspicuous' or 'nonchalant'. Apparently she doesn't know such things even after they have been repeated to her by her younger cousin and her best-friend a hundred times each. Not only am I stupid, Molly has now been dubbed stupid too.

Dom tried to hide her shock, she really did, but I don't think it worked. Her perfectly-shaped eyebrows were raised, her mouth was slightly gaping – though she quickly remedied that – and she kept glancing from her uncle Percy to Molly and then back again. "Umm – I – yeah..." she said faintly, looking between Molly and her uncle as nonchalantly as Molly was acting.

She seemed to be searching for some interaction between them but Percy didn't look away from his mother and Molly didn't move her eyes from her plate. When no wink was witnessed Dom just frowned and shook her head slightly before looking between them sharply once more and settling her gaze on her cousin.

"Things are good..." she said awkwardly and I heard Louis exhale slightly before he shoved a forkful of cottage pie in to his mouth. She glanced sharply to her uncle for the thirtieth time in two minutes and scratched her chin lightly with her Gryffindor red nail. "Why?" she finally asked, dropping all obvious pretence. It was strange she couldn't deny it. Molly barely spoke two words to her cousins in her father's presence and she didn't understand. Nobody around the table other than me, Roxanne and Molly understood.

"Oh" Molly said, "no reason." The way she said it was meant to sound airy and smooth but to me it sounded clammy and almost squeaky. Her hand under the table promptly found mine and I squeezed it in reassurance. 'Keep going!' I tried to signal but it was lost on her as she took her first mouthful of food in a while.

Molly quickly used her free hand to lift her goblet to her mouth so that she could gulp down some much needed pumpkin juice. "How's – um – have you found a job yet?" she asked sheepishly, feeling what I know to be shame. She still didn't chance a glance at anyone but the three lone peas I named Pipsqueak, Pekoe and Pisky.

With her being Percy's daughter there were all sorts of ways that people could interpret these questions and it sounded like she was taunting Dom or looking down on her. Sadly, we had planned this. The sole reason Molly was the one interacting with Dom was that she would attract more of the suspicious attention we desired. It was awful that we had to do so but we needed to make Molly seem arrogant and snide towards her comment, it was the only way to get her family as defensive as we needed them to be.

Molly promptly stabbed Pekoe with her fork and ate him. One pea down, two to go. I squeezed her hand again knowing that she was nervously doing her best. Sighing, I continued eating some of my own food, glad that I was left handed and often only used my left.

George was almost glaring at the table in front of him. Everyone knew Dom didn't have a job and the same fact shamed Dom and hurt her confidence every day. With a great struggle he kept his eyes on his plate and occasionally glanced at his wife who was sat next to him.

Louis growled. It was obvious to me that he definitely _was_ listening all along. He could clearly see me consoling Molly form his place at the table and he was angry yet again. First of all, he couldn't believe anyone was being this way to his sister. She didn't deserve it; there was no way she could help the fact that even in the wizarding world there were no jobs. And secondly, he couldn't believe that his two closest friends were being this way to his sister. Especially after he had spoken to me about his worrying for Dom.

"I – erm – actually-" Dom started to stutter as she looked down at her plate. She didn't understand why it mattered to Molly and felt disgusted by the fact that she didn't. Molly let out a small whimper just as another voice spoke in a rigid way.

"Yes." George said loudly and some people looked up before turning back to who they were conversing with. Dom's head snapped up and we all knew he was taking part in our conversation. He was looking up and at Molly menacingly and I smiled slightly, hiding it by brushing my hair in front of my face.

Louis looked at his uncle confusedly, Dom looked at him hopefully and Roxanne looked at her father grinning. He was standing up for Dom and our plan was working. Molly looked a lot less nervous then and I squeezed her hand excitedly.

"Dom does have a job" he said staring at Molly with disgust, "she's just about to start working with me for experience."

Dom raised an eyebrow and looked at her uncle excitedly, "exactly" she said, "we settled this days ago and I wasn't going to say anything but it's true."

Yes! I felt like screaming, crying and cheering with excitement. Roxanne grinned even wider and I squeezed Molly's hand once more before I dropped it and sat properly, smiling slightly.

Molly hid her excitement but I heard her let out a breath of relief and an almost silent cheer. She was acting a whole lot more natural all of a sudden and she didn't seem to care what her family though because it had all worked. She was just trying to think up a way out of the current situation.

"Congrats!" she said trying to make it sound a bit reluctant. I bet to anyone else it would have sounded so but I could hear the cheerful undertone that Molly would never be able to hide from me. We knew each other too well for me not to hear it.

Louis grinned a bit and went back to his dinner but he was definitely still confused. George smiled smugly at Molly, cheerfully at Dom and suspiciously at Roxanne and then went back to his food. Dom grinned at everything before she turned back to hers and she seemed extremely excited, even hopping up and down in her seat. Everyone had eventually settled down and dinner went on as usual.

My head wouldn't stop whirling as I thought about the tasks we had to do and the plans we had to put in place. We didn't just have to do something on Christmas Eve we had to do much more beforehand, me having the hardest task as far as I could tell.

And yet, as I thought about these important issues my mind was still focused on something else. Something that shouldn't matter at all to me seemed to be what everything was flying around. Every other thought seemed to float past the fact that Louis was in love. I could only focus on the fact that Louis was in love and that I didn't realize.

Did the girl turn Louis down? I s that why he's angry? Maybe he's angry because he had a secret relationship and his family found out. Perhaps they broke up. That _would_ make sense, that's probably why he's so mad. They broke up and I was happy because I had worked it out. I was smiling because even though I only knew he was in love and acting angry I had worked out what happened.

He had probably been in love with one of the pretty girls in our year that had had loads of boyfriends as a result of their good looks and short skirts. Thinking about it, it was probably Leona Griffiths, I had seen her and Louis talking in the library during the school term and she _is_ in our house.

Suddenly, I felt angry at her and Louis. How dare they have a relationship without telling me, I thought I was supposed to be one of Louis's best friends? And I wasn't just angry I was jealous. I was insanely jealous of Leona's pretty auburn hair that fell in graceful waves, of her pale clear skin that never seemed to get a single spot, of her sparkling hazel eyes that captivated all of the boys and of her long legs that seem to go on forever. I was insanely jealous that she could get a boy as sweet as Louis to fall in love with her while the one boy I went out with cheated on me. I was jealous because I would never be good enough for a boy like Louis.

* * *

**A.N= It's been a while because of dram in my real life and I'm sorry if anyone's actually been waiting. Just remind me in the future if I'm taking a while. I don't think this is as long as the last two chapters but I went as far as I could with this chapter without (hopefully) jabbering on. Thanks for reading!**


	7. Snow and long-sleeves

The Burrow is an old and haphazard house. During the holidays it is packed to the brim with people; whether they are family or friends doesn't matter. Mrs. Weasley (Grandmamma Weasley) accepts everyone with open arms.

The place wasn't particularly nice to look at or tidy but it was homey and warm. It looked like it was about to crumble or fall to the ground but the regular visitors knew better; it was possibly the most durable house ever.

The Burrow was covered with snow two days after the children and teenagers had returned for the Christmas holiday. At least six inches of snow encased the old house, garden, chicken hut and trees, it was beautiful; Up until people ran out of the old house and started having a snowball fight that is.

Outside the burrow was chaos the morning after our dinner performance, half the teenagers and children had had breakfast and wrapped up warm as soon as they could. The night before after dinner the snow that fell was thin and un-sticking but overnight it had definitely transferred in to heavy sticking snow that coat everything – or everyone – as soon as it – or they - left shelter.

I wasn't one of the people that made my way outside that morning. I wrapped up warm in my thickest Weasley jumper, a pair of huge tracksuit bottoms which I think belong to Louis – or rather, they belon_ged_ to Louis – and my big fluffy slipper-boots. Once we had finished our breakfast Molly made to drag me outside but I stopped her when she grasped my wrist.

"I'm not going out" I told her scrunching up my lips and moving them towards the right side of my face. "It's way too cold."

Molly looked confused, "but it's snow!" she said excitedly gesturing towards the window, "Why not?"

"I just wanna stay in the warm for now. I might come out later."

Molly dropped my wrist and furrowed her eyebrows as she pouted, "Pwease cwome outswide!" she begged in a baby voice. It was absolutely hilarious and I laughed as I shoved her to the door, shaking my head.

"No!" I said, "Go have fun with your annoying family"

"Hey!" Louis shouted, offended, "You had better correct yourself."

I laughed and looked at Louis and then Molly who had raised a single eyebrow. "Fine" I said to Louis harshly and turned back to Molly again, "Go have fun with your annoying family and one awesome cousin."

As soon as Louis walked over to Molly and she started towards the door I made my way towards the stairs, faintly hearing Molly muttering something to Louis about me not specifying which cousin. While I walked up the stairs I reflected on my confusion. I simply did not understand Louis' mood swings. One minute he was teasing me, the next he was joking with me like we were used to and then when he wasn't acting in either of those ways he was being moody with me and shouting. It was frustrating to say the least.

When I got to the top of the stairs I walked straight to the bedroom I was staying in and walked to my bed, sighing. I began to flip the covers and fluff the pillows absentmindedly to try and tidy up the mess I made of the blankets and covers. I shook out a blanket but stopped as I jumped at the sound of someone clearing their throat.

I jolted and turned to face the source of the sound, Rose who was sat on the windowsill bundled up in a blanket with a book resting on her thighs. I really hadn't known she was there; I was completely shocked and startled. But, the dominating emotion flowing through me was confusion; I could have sworn that I saw her leave with Hugo and Albus. Those sorts of thing never normally go past me.

"I'm sorry" I said, looking at her like a deer caught in the headlights.

Rose smiled at me and pulled her feet up to her chest even more, "It's okay, I was lonely on my own anyway"

You see, that's what I love about her family, they were all so friendly and made me feel like I belong. In short, such an amazing family deserve my help even if it isn't all that good. That was why I was doing this, I reminded myself.

I smiled back to Rose and she gestured to the space on the sill by her feet. I walked over and sat down, looking out the window at the blurs throwing snow.

"What book are you reading?" I asked curiously, not to say that it was the first question on my mind but I did want to know.

Rose raised an eyebrow at me and picked it up; she showed me the cover of dark blue with the name and author printed in white.

_Family ways and physiology._

_A book by Ashton Saunders._

"Most people would have asked me a different question to that" Rose said.

"I'm getting to it" I smirked, "So... Why aren't you outside with your family?"

Rose looked away - I noticed that straight away – she was keeping her gaze away from me which could mean one of two things. 1) She was about to lie to me or 2) There was a touchy subtext.

"Snow gets everything cold and wet. I left most of my clothes at Hogwarts and I don't have enough clothes here to dirty them in the snow"

No one really uses that excuse but it was the truth for Rose, which ruled out the first option. Now, most people wouldn't catch the underlining topic or touchy issue from that but I did, being so well experienced.

"Why didn't you go?" she asked, looking back to me as if nothing was different (which it wouldn't be to normal people). I didn't even get a chance to ask her something else or hint at the subtext.

"Your family are all so close, I impose on so many things already I thought I'd at least give you today." I knew as soon as I opened my mouth that her response would be a speech about how I was part of her family and that they didn't care so I stopped her before she could even open her mouth. "You said you didn't have enough clothes. Are you sure you didn't mean you didn't have enough long sleeve tops?"

Rose looked directly at me, her eyes were panicked, her mouth was itching to open and I could practically hear her mind whirling. She didn't understand how I knew or whether I even did know. I have to admit that the way I said it could sound sinister. She could even be wondering if I was trying to blackmail her. I was so quiet it probably wouldn't surprise her if I was.

"Yeah, I did mean that actually" she said playing the ignorant card, "They're so much warmer."

She acted cool and casual but her eyes still held the same look and her hands clutched at her sleeve and the blanket. I hated doing this but it could help her.

"Rose"

"Have you got any long sleeves? They make you feel warm even on the inside"

"Rose"

"It's weird to feel so warm and protected based simply on an item of clothing"

"Rose, I know" I had had enough and the only effective thing she was doing was delaying the inevitable.

Rose shut up when I said those words, just like I remember Lucy doing.

"It's hard to constantly hide your wrists isn't it?"

"What are you talking about?" She asked being the most aggressive I had ever seen her, "You don't know what you're talking about" her voice was pure venom -or as close venom as sweet Rosie Weasley got.

I hated to do what I did next; it was as hard for me as this whole conversation was for her. Rose gasped when she saw what I was doing and the end result and she looked to me in a hopeful way.

I pushed my sleeves up and took my bracelets off revealing the thin pale scars that were self-induced. Rose now understood how I knew and why I was trying to help.

"You wouldn't expect this from you Kadence" she said quietly. She was simply stating a fact unlike the way anybody else would say it that. Said by anyone else that phrase would show disappointment.

"You wouldn't expect it from Rose Weasley either"

Rose looked down at her hands and pain-achingly slowly she unfurled her fists, took them out from under her blanket and lifted her sleeves. Her cuts were bright pink and fresh, lined in white. They were only just starting to heal.

I stared at my own wrists as I said "It does actually help to talk about them, you know" I didn't look at her, trying to put as little pressure on her as possible. I continued when she didn't reply, "And it's a little bit suspicious to only wear long sleeve tops, try wearing short sleeve with a long sleeve jumper or bracelets to hide them."

"I don't like talking about it" she said casually as if it didn't matter.

"Neither do I but you do realise you have to stop. If you cut in the wrong place or too deep then you could die"

"A bit dramatic isn't it?" she asked staring at Albus and Lily as they tried to bury James in the snow.

"May be a little bit but it's the truth" I stared at the lopsided snowman Roxanne made trying to make out what it was meant to be.

"I guess then everyone would know anyway"

"Yeah they would" I was melancholy because of this whole conversation, the things she was saying were exactly the same as the thoughts that ran through my head a year beforehand. "Nothing can stay secret forever. Does anybody know?"

Rose clenched a fist. "Yes, my dorm-mate caught me a couple of days ago. She keeps bringing it up, telling me she's going to tell Al. "

"Well you _do_ have to tell people. I wouldn't go that far but believe it or not – as I've mentioned – it does help"

Rose looked to me with her eyes blazing, "So it's okay for her to blackmail me?"

I exhaled and shook my head, how was that what she took from what I said? "No. But, you need to tell someone"

"Listen" Rose said calming down, "I want to tell someone, I really do. But the problem is, if I tell Al he will always be around and he'll think of me as if I need protecting, he won't be the same with me"

"And you need him to be normal with you" I whispered with understanding.

"Exactly." Rose turned again to look out the window.

"Tell me then"

"What?" Rose asked.

"For someone to become as unstable as we became there is always a reason. Most of the time that reason is confidence or a need for relief. If you tell me about why then I'll tell you about why I did it"

I had to wait a couple of minutes for an answer. We both stared out of the window, me at Louis and Molly and Rose at Albus. It wasn't awkward to sit there but it wasn't exactly comfortable.

By the time Rose replied I was ready to take back my offer, it suddenly seemed like too much.

"Okay, I'll do it. You go first"

And so I took a deep breath and told Rose everything I had once told Molly. "I'm unstable because my family are just messed up. Mine isn't tight-knit and I can safely say without lying that my mum hates and doesn't want me.

"My mum and dad were madly in love and had me when they were fifteen. My grandparents supported them and we were a relatively normal, loving family until I was six and my grandparents died. Mum started drinking and then blamed it on me.

"Dad tried looking after me but then just dumped me with my auntie when I was eleven. My mum had gone missing by then, had started travelling the world and getting arrested. When I was fourteen my dad wrote to me, telling me to go back to live with him, I didn't understand so I did. He got married like a week after during the summer holidays to this 'Tiffany' girl who is a_ lot_ younger than him.

"They had a baby after that and she's pretty awesome but whenever I go there my mum comes to visit so she can see my dad and me, Tiffany and Poppy end up upset because dad always ends up sleeping with her. The main problem is though that Tiffany is a bit dumb and just takes him back every time and I avoid dad like dragon pox. We both avoid each other like dragon pox"

"Okay..." Rose murmured, "That is pretty messed up. When did you start?"

"When I had to deal with letters from Tiffany, glares from dad, snide remarks from my mum and Poppy crying every time she saw my dad. About four weeks in to the holidays"

"I can't believe you went through that and we didn't know"

"I still do go through it"

Rose looked at me like I was mad. "Why do you bother going home then?"

I thought it over and there was only one answer, "because Louis-"

Roses' face snapped to face mine, "Louis doesn't know?" she asked outraged.

"No because like you said I need him to be normal with me"

"That's not fair to him. Albus isn't in-" Rose stopped short for some reason and I moved forward eagerly, I needed to hear what she was about to say.

"What's that?" I asked.

"Nothing" she said and then she took a deep breath and stared at the blanket. "I guess I started because of all the pressure on me. Everyone expects me to be as brilliant as mum and dad or maybe even better, everyone seems to know who I am. I get judged for everything and it's not fair at all.

"Though, in comparison my reason seems pathetic compared to yours. I would have done a lot worse if I was in your situation."

I smiled at Rose and spoke quietly and softly: "It doesn't matter what they think of you. Do you want to know what I and everyone who matters to you thinks about you?"

"What?" she asked apprehensively.

"That you're Rose, brilliant Rose with the amazing marks, looks and personality. Would you prefer everyone else think that when your family think the opposite or do you prefer things the way they are?"

We both stared out of the window and neither of us bothered to speak again. Rose didn't need to reply because we both knew her answer.

After a couple of minutes had passed I took Roses wrist in my hand and took out my wand, when Rose didn't say anything I simply performed a spell without her permission and her cuts became slightly lighter. I said, "I just stopped them from permanently scarring. You probably don't want to but go and see Madame Pomfrey; she can get rid of them for good."

I stood up to leave but stopped by my bed to say something to Rose. "Come and see me some other time or even just write me a letter. You'll want to do it again and you can't"

I was at the door when the sound of Roses' voice stopped me, "Why doesn't Louis know?"

I faced her again in confusion and found her already on her feet, "I've already told you"

Rose looked at me closely. "If you're feeling towards the matter change you should tell him first" she said cryptically and she walked up to me, "Plus, he and Molly want you outside, they don't care about the snow that much and you're never going to be intruding" she walked away from me and stopped at the top of the stairs. "Besides you _help_ our family so much you deserve it"

And then she was gone, I was changed, a couple of my long-sleeve shirts were on her bed, her book was on my bed and I was on my way outside.

As quick as I could I was out the front door and my eyes landed on a huge snowball fight. Everyone was lobbing snowballs at everybody else. Most of the time people were just throwing snow, not having time to form snowballs.

I grinned at the usual Potter-Weasley clan snow behaviour. And yet, though there were screams filling the air there weren't as many as normal. The culprits were of course James and Fred who weren't shifting any snow whatsoever; this was too strange and had to be changed.

I ran through the turned-over snow and over to Molly and Louis who quickly grinned at me. As best as I could I took a lump of snow from the ground and aimed between James and Fred. James and Fred – as I predicted they would – searched for the person that threw the snowball and as a last minute decision I hid behind Louis, re-involving the two in to the snow-fighting game.


	8. Scary words

It was a typical family moment, more of a cliché really. When everyone was warmer, drier and all-around happier we had dinner and then – here is where my heart warmed – they had hot chocolate.

I use the word 'they' there not because I was detached - because I was perfectly involved. The only difference between what they were doing and what I was doing was the liquid filling my mug.

Louis calls me strange because of my strong dislike for any hot, caffeinated drink but it's not my fault. So, while they drank hot chocolate – spiked in the cases of the adults – I drank butterbeer. And I felt merrier than I had for a while as I sat next to Louis. I think it was the small amount of alcohol in my drink that helped me laugh along because for once I forgot.

I didn't have a reminder of troubles that night and it was amazing.

For the first time in a while, that night I didn't spend much time with Molly. Molly was sat with Lily, Roxanne and Dominique giggling over anything they could and to acknowledge me Molly would glance over at me and smile every once in awhile. People were sat everywhere around the room but no one bothered to leave or sit elsewhere. To me it was an almost perfect moment.

I - like many other people - was bundled up in a warm blanket, wearing my pyjamas and slipper-boots for extra warmth. I was sat in a corner between a bookcase and a wall, out of sight of most of the people in the room. I used that time to reflect on everything that was happening until I saw someone moving towards me.

Louis was slow as he approached me and he gestured for me to move up with his head before he was even half-way to me. As I always would I complied and he wedged himself in beside me, squeezed into the bookcase wall.

I didn't know why but my heart rate suddenly felt faster, squished in to a small place like that could do that to somebody and it felt natural. But, even though I thought nothing of it and barely even noticed it I prayed to Merlin that Louis couldn't hear it.

He just sat beside me staring at me until I broke the ice. I said the first thing I could think of; and the stupidest.

"Did you know that a females' heart beats faster than a males?" I asked.

It was ridiculous and I regretted it instantly but there it was: my new way of speaking to Louis was through facts. And to be honest I wasn't even sure if it _was_ a fact. For all I knew I was completely wrong and I felt just as little as I would if my worst enemy had told me I was wrong and they were correct.

Here's something I haven't told you yet: Louis is extremely handsome. Even with me being one of his best friends I can say that. It is a simple fact of life and, it's not a secret. Whereas Dom is beautiful she hasn't got the perfect veela looks, she is a bit more rock and roll and yet Victoire is almost as much veela as Louis is with her perfect bone structure and silky hair.

I said that now because it is also no secret that Louis was good with the females residing in Hogwarts. They obviously noticed how handsome he was and because Louis' favourite sentence is "I like a thing of beauty" it wasn't a surprise when he picked up his uncle Charlie's tricks and started what me and Molly call 'wooing' them.

When Louis turned to look at me with his charming face on and a cheeky half smile it was almost enough for me to forget we were friends. Why would someone that good-looking even speak to me?

He was cute, cheeky and hot all in one and I was completely confused at how I could see that. The girls that are only friends with Louis can't see what an exciting contradiction he is. They don't see him as dangerous and still safe; cuddle-me-cute and I'll-pin-you-to-the-wall-raw; humble and yet annoyingly cocky. They don't notice that so why do I?

He was amused, anyone could tell that and he turned his body so it was partly in front of me and so he was looking in to my face. "Is that made up?" he asked, spot-on guessing my reaction to his new company.

I smiled at him goofily, like I always do, acting stupid. "I don't know" I said, leaning back as much as I could and feeling a strange urge to bite my lip.

"It was a guff moment, wasn't it?"

I smiled at him, raising my eyebrows and nodding slightly, "You know me so well."

You see, since me and Louis have known each other for ages we know each other's habits and so, we were both used to what we had, by then, dubbed my 'guff moments' and he had even learned to distinguish them and blow them off easily.

Nobody ever understood why I had these 'guff moments' but we did know that they related to my socially awkward ways and they didn't really affect anyone other than me. But, after I moped about them when they started in third year I realized something; it's not my fault that I find certain circumstances nerve-wracking or tummy-flipping and so, it's not my fault that when faced with these situations I simply think absurd things and then blurt out some random thing relating to my thought process.

It just so happens that I was wondering about whether Louis' heart was beating as fast as mine and comparing them. After that thought crossed my mind I knew it was a good thing that Louis didn't know my 'guff moments' actually related to my train of thought.

I mean, come on! Who the hell thinks like that/acts like that/talks like that about their best mate? That certainly wasn't a casual thought.

"Mia Holtby is casually cheating on Jesse Walters"

And there was another one! Great! Two 'guff moments' in less than two minutes. Just what I need!

"Okay" Louis said leaning back and laughing slightly, "I've never heard of two in a row."

"Must be a blue moon" I replied, my ears turning pink like they do when I'm embarrassed.

He laughed, "better tell Ted, he'll want some warning" I chuckled a bit and looked at him. Sure, Teddy's dad was a werewolf so he got a bit 'feral' (as me him and Molly joke) around the time of the full moon but as far as I know there is no _actual_ blue moon and, why would that bother him anyway?

"What?" I asked quirking an eyebrow because yes, I am that talented that I can raise just one – one of my two – eyebrow/s.

He laughed sort of nervously like he had skipped a beat and he scratched the side of his thigh, one of the two that was incredibly close to mine. "Er- he gets a bit different around then, like, he-" he stopped speaking and just looked at his drink.

"Oh that's how it is then" I joked, shoving him, "you inform me of something that I somehow have managed to miss in all of my lifetime and then just stop 'cos you pity how fast my brain must be working"

I vowed to research blue moons myself some other time, maybe I could help Ted out or stop them from happening in conjunction of one of my 'bluff moments'. Goodness knows nobody knew everything about the magical world but you would have thought I had heard about them before then.

"Yeah, that sounds about right" he said, suddenly more relaxed "What? Is it working full steam ahead at the moment?"

We laughed merrily, the type of laughter that seemed fitting of Christmas-time, that I could imagine muggle Santa himself laughing. The best laugh I seem to laugh most when around Louis; he's a really funny guy.

"Don't pick on me" I fake wined, settling back against the wall, pouting in a way I _hoped_ was adorable.

He laughed again, "N'awwr poor babba" he said with the laughter still heavy in his voice, "Do you want me to kiss it better?"

Yes!

"I suppose I'll get through it" I muttered my standard response because really, that thought was just absurd.

We settled down for a bit and I felt sick and light-headed as I smelt everyone else's hot chocolate from across the room. I didn't usually feel light-headed form the smell, just sick, but I suppose it had been a long day.

It was nice to be with Louis, he had been a bit off for a while and I had missed him; that much was obvious from the bubbly, jittery feeling I had in my stomach as we sat there. We were silent for a couple of minutes, listening to other people's conversation.

"But honestly" Lily said, "he was on his knees-"

I head George's booming, merry voice (he had definitely been more generous when spiking his own drink) as he said "and he actually... flew... down the road- no not down the road- through the door... Oh screw it! Let's just say it was a good story"

Fleur: "And the wedding details are all final"

Grandmamma: "Are you cold dear?"

James: "So...?"

"I've missed this"

He glanced at me out of the corned of his eye, "what do you mean?" he asked.

"I've missed this, us, talking, friends" I said, looking forward

"The way you're saying that is like you think I'm at fault"

"I never said that"

"You insinuated it" he fired back, why was he fighting me? He was fine until I said that. Again with the moody! I am fed up with the moody!

I faced him squarely and spoke to him plainly: "Louis, stop being a bastard and pull the stick out of your ass. I'm going to bed"

And that's exactly what I did after I got used to the thought of Louis being a whiny little bitch.

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooooooooooooO

The burrow was an extremely comfortable place to me as well as everyone and I had always been a person that fell asleep as soon as her head touched the pillow. That night when I went to bed all of the three girls I was sharing a room with were downstairs and I was still awake when each of them slowly crept to bed in their own time. I can't name an exact time but I can tell you the last person to bed – incidentally a noisy Lucy – went there about three hours after I went up and yet I was still awake to hear it.

That may have been part of the reason that when I was woken the next morning by Molly and Roxanne I wasn't exactly happy to leave my cot. Nevertheless, I quickly washed and changed into clothes (how do I end up with Louis' clothes? because I wore a polo shirt of his) and then followed them to HQ.

"This had better be important" I grumbled to them as we walked down the stairs. Luckily for them, it was.

After about two hours in which I still hadn't had food Roxanne rounded up the rest of the paper we had been working on. "And that's it" she said "we have a plan"

Those are scary words my friend, scary words indeed.

* * *

**_AUTHOR NOTE_**

Right, so, I have been a huge pain in the bum and I'm sorry. This has taken me too long to post because a) I have no experience in conversations like the one Kadence had with Louis so I struggled and b) my sister took her laptop back (mine broke long ago) so I actually _couldn't _write and c) I buckled under the pressure off this whole thing.

Apparently I have followers now so: _**THANK YOU SO MUCH! **_**_and ta if you have only read this too._**


End file.
